Nothing that’s worthwhile is ever easy. Remember that.
a letter
There is a tiny voice that told me last night I couldn’t understand you anymore. You have been awfully quiet for some time now and you have been shutting me off. I can feel u too and it is hard for me to understand that you want to go through it alone. We used to be in the same boat struggling over the things but you moved and took a different route. I have always been at your side but this time I opt to differ. I can see your pain and I can feel it too, not because you are the heart which is the only one capable of feeling. I am not hard as you sometimes believe that I am. I just have to be like this for both of us, otherwise we would both drown and no one can save us anymore.
Heart, why do you keep on beating on the wrong person all the time? Aren’t you tired of watching them leave you? Aren’t you tired of giving your best and not get anything in return? If you’re not then I am… I am tired of giving you excuses so you wouldn’t break. I am tired of saying yes when in fact it is no. I am tired of convincing you when you very well know that I am just lying to make you happy. I am tired of you, for all your broken dreams your failed relationships and for all your unrequited love. You have so much to give to the person who can never be yours. HEART, weren’t you the one who said that you are sore and wounded? So, why are you staying when you can just walk away from all these pain that is consuming you? How can you take it HEART? How can you look at him eyes and not see you in his heart? How can you smile when you feel him caress and know that those touches were meant for someone else? How can you be strong when your feeling weak and helpless how can you possibly love someone who is in love with another girl? He was never yours to begin with so it would be impossible to have him forever. FOREVER is just a word HEART.
There is no such thing as forever just goodbyes as inevitable. I have seen you so excited when he came to our lives. I was just as excited as you were. I wanted him to be the boy we can both be in love with but he is a dream and dreams end. Tell me wasn’t it good to have a dream every time you feel like doing so? Like dreams you have to wake up and face the day. It was enough that he made you feel loved. Just face the reality that someone owns his heart… pushing for it will only make another girl’s heart bleed. I have seen you loved, lost and grieved but never healed. Why Heart? What are you so afraid of? It’s time to let go. I know it would be hard. I have never seen you love this way before… so unconditional. Of course you have always loved unconditionally but your love for him is different because you wouldn’t listen to me. You used your words against me and that makes me feel helpless. I am just hurt as you are because I can’t make the pain go away. I can’t help you and heal for you… you have to do it alone. You have kept your silence and its deafening. I know you are trying to fool me so I would think you are okay and that I shouldn’t worry… you want me to believe that you are not in pain.
Remember HEART there is a thin line that connects us and it would be difficult to deceive one another of what is really going on… not that is love.
Bahahahaaa
are you gonna kiss me or not ?
is it sad that when i need to talk about feelings this is the place i go ? i hate feelings. i hate emotions. and i hate talking about them. nothing good can ever come from it. so i just bottle every thing up and cry about it whenever im alone. i NEVER let people see me cry.and if i do i feel weak and pitiful. i often ask myself why i do the things i do. even when i know its a bad idea i do things any way. im self destructive in that sense. i have a better leave then be left mentality. i never like to be stuck in one situation for too long because i know at some point things wont be in my favor. i hurt people i care about that way. and its an awful feeling. im sure for them it is too. i am so very very afraid. of every thing and thats sad. i hold back way too much and i hate that about myself. honestly i hate a lot about myself. but how do you change who you are ?
the disney channel just made me awwwwh out loud
What’s your favorite name for a girl?
Giavanna Marie
Jada Lynn
Ava Marie
What’s your favorite name for a boy?
Kayden Tomas
Julian Michael
Christian Thomas
Do you like coke or pepsi?
COKEEE
Have you read Twilight?
ALL OF THEM. multiple times.
What does your car smell like?
Black ice
Have you ever eaten a marshmallow burnt?
how i like em
Do you have a gerbil?
ew no
Are you afraid of airplanes?
nah
What gives you goosebumps?
my back being tickled and being cold
Whose your favorite character on TV?
Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf
Why did you take this survey?
i pods charging
Do you like ice cream?
mint chocolate chip <3
Have you been to an arcade before?
yeah
What is your favorite song?
i have too many
What is your least favorite movie?
Scary ones
When do you think the world will end?
idfk
Do you think cheesy jokes are funny?
i laugh at everything
Do you like texting or calling?
Texting and calling
Have you ever online dated?
nahh
Whose the last person you hugged?
naj
Do you believe Wikipedia is always right?
nope
Do you like bulldogs?
nahh
Have you ever eaten a corndog?
nope
What’s your favorite article of clothing?
yoga pants <3
Do you like classical music?
some
Is your grandma still alive?
yepp and a few greats
What’s your favorite video on Youtube?
drinking out of cups
Do you have a friend named Buddy?
no
Why are people weird?
no just diverse
Do you know what TTFN stands for?
tata for now
What’s your pets middle name?
no pets
Have you ever dated 2 people at one time?
yes
Have you ever sniffed someone’s hair secretly?
yeah :)
Do you have a T.V in your room?
yepp
How long can you go without electronics?
uhhhhh
Do You Like Your Name?
loveee ittt
What Age Would You Like To Be Right Now?
16
Do You Have Pets?
no
How Many Best Friend’s Do You Have?
a few
What’s Your Favorite Color?
red
Do You Like To Go Shopping?
mhm
Are You Into Sports?
flyerss <3
What’s Your Favorite Hobby?
hobby?
Do You Like To Read?
yeahp
What Do You Do When You Are Mad?
clean
What Word Do You Catch Your Self Saying A Lot?
fuck
MacDonald’s Or Burger King?
mcdonalds french fries
bk burgers
Coke Or Pepsi?
you asked this already
Summer Or Winter?
Summer.
Are You Nice To Everyone?
i try to be
Do You Like Swimming?
i cant swim
How Do You Do Your Hair Often?
blow dry and straighten
What City Or State Would You Like To Go To?
hawaii or chicago.. off to la this summer !
What Kind Of Ice Cream Do You Like Most?
mint chocolate chip
Hot Cheetoes Or Doritos?
doritos
Do You Like School?
no more school !
Are You In School?
nope
Do You Play Video Games?
yeah
What Do You Do For Fun?
i work everyday.. and party
Do You Talk A Lot In The Phone?
in the phonee
Are You More Shy, Or Talkative?
depends
Do You Like Going Outdoors?
yup
Do You Like Rainy Days?
soemtimes
Do You Have A Favorite Restaraunt? If Yes, Which One?
harvest <333
What are your siblings names?
krystin
What do you love to dream about?
love
Are you answering these questions with false answers or true?
true
Have you ever smelled a banana?
bananas are gross
Eaten strawberries from your toes?
No?
Poked someone in the ear?
Yes.
Licked someones foot?
mmhmm
Put money in your bra?
Yes
Eaten a fur ball?
uhmm no?
Licked a swing set?
prob when i was younger
Sniffed a cat?
no?
Barked at someone?
no
Pretended to be a manikan at the mall?
yup hahha
Drawn a silly picture?
mhm
Sung in a public bathroom?
yeah
Been out with your pants on backwards?
inside out..
Worn underwear on your head?
don’t think so
I’m down on knees and praying Though my faith is week without you baby, so please give us a chance.
This is going to get really personal, okay?
surely
What do you have to say to the person who broke your heart?
i hate you. and id still give anything to be with you
Have you honestly ever cheated on anyone?
theres nothing i do better then revenge
Is getting high really worth it?
Nope.
Have you ever recieved the “goes around” to the what comes around goes around?
I like to be moral person in the group
Have you ever loved so much you would give your life for that person?
Yes.
Have you honestly ever used somebody?
I’m sure I have.
Have you ever made anyone cry?
Yes.
Do you speak your mind?
No. And I really hate that about myself
Who did you last send a text message to what did it say?
” I would do no such thing ” -steve
Have you ever taken someone back more then once?
mmhmm
Do you regret any past relationships?
only one
Are you over your most recent ex?
No, Not even close.
What sibling in your family do you look up to most?
I only have a little sister. Sorry to say I don’t really look up to anyone
Have you ever skipped a class?
Yes. and got caught and got suspended
Ever kissed a ginger?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Have you ever made fun of anyone behind their back?
Really? who hasn’t
Do you like anyone right now?
Eh
Will you be single over Christmas?
Next Christmas? Who knows. That’s like a whole year away.
What do you wish people knew about you?
That im really not as bad as i seem
Have you ever made someone cheat on their significant other?
yep
What is your biggest fear?
Being alone.
Have you ever kissed someone then regretted it?
No.
What should people know that you dislike?
Winking. it creeps me out.
Do you hate your last ex?
Hate is appropriate. but its a complex emotion
If you were pregnant right at this moment what you would do?
Cry.
Do you think you would be a good girlfriend?
Oh I’m positive I am.
Do you believe you can fall out of love?
No. You always love someone just the circumstances change
Do you believe everything you hear?
Almost
Have you ever seen anyone get beat up?
Dude I live in Chi
Have you ever lost someone that you wish you hadn’t?
Yes.
Who last yelled at you?
My dad
Have you ever lost a loved one?
Yes
What would you say if you found out any of your ex’s just got engaged?
If it was the last one. I would cry. and move very far away.
What do your last 2 text messages read?
“long as youd have done it for me, at least you care. maybe you do deserve a puppy”
” youd let it pee every where though”
Have you ever been so hurt that you wanted to stop feeling completely?
In a way I did. I completely shut down feelings and refuse to care about people. completely immersed myself in work and drink often.
Are you happy where you are right now, relationship-wise?
No.
What are you listening to now?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJZBOPwSI8U
Who slept in your bed with you last night?
I slept in steve’s bed
Are you excited for next year?
I just want to start over
Are you wasting your time on someone?
I was for a really long time. still hoping they come around some day but its pointless
Who was the last person you have a missed call from?
my dad
Who’s in the room with you?
No body.
Are you texting anyone?
Yes.
Is your Christmas tree taller than you?
well im not a giant sooo yes. duh
Are you one of those people who hates crying in front of others?
Yes.
Can you honestly say when the going gets tough you have someone to turn to?
I dont
Are you open about your feelings or closed off?
Closed.
Do you have a reason to smile right now?
I do not.
Last person you talked to on the phone other than family?
steve a few days ago
Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything?
thought i did
When you’re getting ready for something, do you listen to music?
I have a whole play list lol
Does your bedroom door have a lock on it?
Hell yes
Are you married?
Dude i cant even get a date for new years
Is anyone jealous of you?
I would be :)
Last place you went out to?
uhhhhhhhhhhhh tom jones with my fam?
How many chances do you tend to give people before enough is enough?
Too many
Is there a person of the opposite sex who means a lot to you?
Of course.
Got laid last night?
Nope.
Are you nice to people you dislike?
I try to be.
Did you have a better day yesterday or today?
both were ok
What time did you wake up this morning?
Like noon
What were you doing at eleven last night?
playing scrabble or waching a bronx tale
Do you curse in front of your parents?
Yes, they don’t care anymore.
What song are you listening to?
youve got me wrapped around your little finger - beth rowley
Have you cried today at all?
Not today
What’s your relationship status?
Singleeee
Relationship between the last person you were on the phone with?
hes my daddy
When you say you’re sorry do you mean it?
Usually.
If someone catches you staring at them do you look away?
nope i smile
Is your hair longer than your shoulders?
Yes (:
Who’s hoodie did you wear last?
Mine?
Two years ago, were you the same person as you are now?
no. I was a much sronger person.
Are you excited for anything?
New years eve !
Do you love anyone?
Mhm.
How are you feeling right now?
Pissed off and annoyed
What should you be doing right now?
cleaning
Are you afraid of getting your heartbroken?
Of course.
What’s one thing you wish you could take back?
everything i did to hurt you
Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
Maybe
What would you do if you walked in on your best friend having sex?
I’d laugh, and walk out.
Did you kiss anyone this summer?
Yes.
Have you ever asked a boy for advice?
have
In the past week have you cried?
the past two days are the only days i havent cried
Do you feel like anyone is playing mind games with you right now?
no
Is anyone over protective of you?
nah
Did you wake up in the middle of the night last night?
Yes, steve snores
Who did you first see this morning besides family?
all of the najmola’s
Are all of your friends in relationships?
yep
Can you honestly say your happy right now?
no
If i gave you a drug test would you pass?
Mhm.
Have you ever been looking for something and it was already in your hand?
ALLLL the time
Are you a simple or complicated person?
I’m pretty simple.
Do you honestly miss someone?
Yes /:
Have you had any beer this week?
I don’t drink beer. ewwwwww.
Do your eyes change color?
Brighter when im excited and darker when im angry
i never can get drunk enough to get you off my mind
today was a really hard day for me. its a day weve always spent together. and most of my favorite memories of us. i always really loved this time of year with you. and it sucks that i actually had to wrap my own christmas presents. or not cause i made krystin do it. i honestly didnt think we would be apart for this long. i dont understand where i did something wrong. i keep asking myself why i wasnt good enough. i just stopped crying myself to sleep at night. but i still cry when i think of you or a song that reminds me of you comes on. what i wanted most was to spend this day with you. and now that im all alone in the studio, on christmas, crying, it just makes things harder.. and you couldnt even text me merry christmas. ive completely immersed myself in work. and as much as that has been paying off i have no life. and when i dont work i party. i often try to drink you away. it never works. i have to surround my self with people at all times in order not to think about you. any minute alone my mind wanders and i start thinking and you know thats never a good sign. i dont know why i miss you. in all honestly you were a complete asshole to me. and you didnt care about me or my life at all. which is so sad because i tried to do everything for you. i tried to be everything for you. so what do i do now? do i go with the person thats always been there to pick up the pieces ? but im not really sure where its going ..do i keep dating assholes and continue to be frustrated.. do i continue working my ass off and be miserable.. or do i hold out for you no matter how small of a chance i have?
I’m a sucker for a sweet talker, and a guy that plays guitar. I want someone that will cherish moments and appreciate all the things I do. someone that will ask me how my day was and genuinely be interested in my life. Someone I can be lazy with,handle me when I’m drunk, and do all the corny things I love to do, like hold hands and take walks in the park, or go ice skating, or spend the day cuddling in bed watching movies. I want someone to surprise me with my favorite flower and tell me I’m beautiful. Someone that will know the quiet me. Someone I can share my values with. someone I can be proud of bringing home to my parents and wont run away when i cry. Someone that will just love me.
something i read that helped me out today :)
http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/sex/7-ways-to-get-over-a-breakup-2392543/
Page 1 of 5
